hope

He asked me tempoh hari, "Syakila rasa A boleh sembuh tak?". I answered him by saying, " A boleh sembuh..Syakila yakin 106%..hehe". Sempat lagi aku melawak dgn dia. Like always.

Actually, I lied to him.

I doubt that he can be cured. I doubt he can recovered.

In the end, he's gonna die. And I will be left brokenhearted. When i typed the word "die", you donno how much it's hurt. It's killing me. It's killed me to say that.

Praying and supporting you, I'll always be. I don't want to be attached to you intensely. You'll be gone anyway. I know by saying this, I am mean. Really MEAN. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I don't want to grieve. Damn! After some time for sure I'll cry a lot reading this! I will feel regret run through my bonds.

Sometimes it is really strange that I can read what you felt. It's like we are one. You are me. And I am you. It's just that you are smarter than me, brilliant.

Nevertheless, deep inside here, I pray you can be cured. I pray for some miracles from Allah. I pray for you to be happy in this world. The world without my presence of course.

Allah..jauhi aku daripada kesedihan yg sia-sia.

awesome 2015

hi, its 2015 already. and im technically 24 years old. wow! and alhamdulillah, i just finished my undergrade study, and soon will be graduated. Yeayyy

okay, 24th january 2015 had been one of the hellish and painful day in my life. I'd been dump.

its been a week now. and im started to get cool with it. i dont even cry anymore.! you see, sometimes we cannot get what we want. so we have to accept the fact.just move on bcoz the another happiness is just down this roadd. THE BEST HAS YET TO COME.

so, LESSONS LEARNED. words are CHEAP  and don't trust people easily after this.

kbye.

keep calm and endure the pain

assalamualaikum. 3rd week of class for sem 8th. right now im feeling soooooo sad. i cant deny my feelings. im tired already. why they always like to seize something precious from me? am i that threatening to them? my good friend aka my classmate starts to create a distance away from me and get close to someone that i really hate for real. there're reasons for i hate her. she deserves my hatred towards her. she's so hypocrite, two-faced and perangai mcm anak %^&%@#. I dont wanna curse here but i cant help it. maybe its a gift (i guess), that i can see through people's colour. she has this dark side that only me had notice. none of my classmates realize that about her.

ok so three of us had some bad history last two sems. well, its about our group projects. and i learned much. but my so-called-ex-close-friend never see her as someone annoying. rather, she chooses that freaking annoying girl over me. i donno what to say. i'll just trying to be cool. i know who i am. nothings can change me. let they speak bad about me, i dont care anymore. nevertheless, i dont wanna create any troubles anymore. just....

the worse of the worse

assalamualaikum. hi. dh lama tak update blog ni. last update pon masa bulan 2 or 3 haritu if tak silap. masa aku praktikal dulu. ok now bulan sept, aku dh mula sem baru di minggu kedua. well, 4 months to go before i end my study. actually right now i'm having a very tough and hard time. u had no idea what ive been goin through and what i have felt. nevertheless, let me tell u my feelings. i am soooo depressed, stress, helpless, hopeless, anxious, and agitated right now. u know, i'd made a very wrong decision and i receive the consequences now. i feel so regret right now. they say it is not good to think about what had happens. anyway i can't help myself from feeling that way. i am blaming myself right now. i donno since when i've been this fool. i always made a rush decision, and now i pay the price. im suffering inside. and i've met a dead ends. i donno how to solve my problems. (im not telling here the reasons, just what i feel).

return back to the class after practical for one sems, its quite hard. i couldnt focus much. i lost track. im feeling depressed. somehow i missed my practical life. it was actually all better than being here studying right now.

anyway this is my last sems here, i wish i can get as many sweet memories as i can. but seeing the situation now, it may sounds impossible. *sigh

new leaf

assalamualaikum.

lama sudah x update blog ni..kangen bangat tuk menulis tp apakan daya, masa tidak mengizinkan..

my life so far okay, kot? school okay. anak murid form 2 even nakal pon tp still ikut ckp. but the problem adalah pd student form 4. they dont quite attracted in my teaching. i should do something. i need to grab their attention.

i must try harder. this time no more regret !

yeahhhhh ;)

mengimbau kenangan dulu

assalamualaikum. dah berapa lama dh aku tak update blog nih..well..rasa cam tak perlu je update pun...sape je yg baca,,hohoho..

tp kali ni cam rajin plak nk update..wee...ok..now i'm 22.. 22 sounds really old to me..dh layak kawen da..wakaka..ok smlm besday aku..and 4th of Ramadhan.. and smlm gak unfortunate thing happen to me.. ACCIDENT!!! ptg smlm ak and adik aku nk keluar p pekan dgn moto..tgh sedap sembang atas moto ada satu kereta kembara ni bwak slow jer.. adik aku nk potong ar..rupanya kereta tu nk masuk simpang..apa lg mto kitorg pun collide dgn kereta tu..melambung ar aku dgn adik aku..dlm kesakitan aku pun bingkas bangun n tgok adik aku..alhamdulillah tak teruk mana..nasib baik both motor and kereta dlm kelajuan yg slow..ak and adik aku dibawak oleh org yg bwak kereta tu ke hospital..adik aku kena cucuk kt lengan dia..aku alhamdulillah takda apa2..just some bruises and scratches..moto lak pecah side mirror jek..tp kesian adik aku laa, bruises kt lengan dia cm teruk gak.. T.T..ok end of story

next story..regarding the topic..ni cita masa aku darjah 2..DARJAH DUA ok..masa tu aku sgtlah kiut, comel kuasa 10..hahaksss..aku ada crush dgn someone ni..ok bygkn darjah 2..errr actually tak berapa ingat darjah 2 or 1..tp lbh kurang time tu laa..ok bygkn time ni aku dh leh suka kat someone..gedikss x? HAHA..and terror x?time ni dh ade perasaan syok kt someone..korang pernah?? 
tp the prob is aku sgt lah pemalu..pemalu kuasa 10..aku tak pernah cakap ng budak lelaki..even semua bdk laki dlm kelas aku aku tak pernah ckp..tp aku masih ingat sampai sekarang sorang budak laki ni..aku suka dia time tu..nama dia Asyraf..rambut dia kerinting-kerinting sikit.. and dia agak nakal dlm kelas.. satu hr cikgu arahkan ktorg satu kelas utk tukar tempat duduk..dh takleh duduk sebelah-sebelah dgn kwn perempuan..kena yg gurl dok sbelah lelaki..sbbnya kelas aku ni bising sgt..klu dok sebelah boy kononnya tak bising laa..sb takde cerita kan..takde gossip..so aku pun ditakdirkan duduk sebelah asyraf..tp aku tak pernah sembang dgn dia..HAHA!! time ada sukaneka.. aku satu rumah dgn asyraf..kami masuk pertandingan tiup belon and pecahkan dgn tangan.. bila tiba turn aku..ohh aku tak reti tiup belon!! lalu cikgu pun suruh asyraf mai tlg tiup belon kt aku..haha..ak tak ingat menang ke tak tp aku dapat bawak balik tupperware hadiah masuk permainan ni..hihi..

aku pernah nampak dia kat taman permainan luar waktu sekolah..and aku rasa cam taw rumah dia kt mana..tak ingat cmna aku leh taw..hm tu je nk ckp.. .kt mana laa dia sekarang..and 1999 was da last time i saw him..masa form 3 aku dah tukar sekolah..from kelantan to kedah..

ok lah! selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa ye!! :)

finally

finally, i gain somethings that i wanna damn much and now i loss something else.. but its sokay,  i don need someone who were sooo annoying and perasan. pergi mampus lahhh

papa mama

salam hi..

its the forth day of my new semester..im now a 3rd year students..masa pegi kelas td my friends all ckp aku makin kurus..huwaaaa..
ok back to da topic..kisah nye cmni..few days ago, naik bus nk balik sa..aku dpt seat single belakg sekali..mase bus singgah kt jeti butterworth ade sorg mamat ni and his 2 small kids naik dok sbelah aku..i mean sbelah sana laa..pastu si anak ni best laa dpt brjln so dok bsing2 yeay2 nak balik kL..pstu sorg anak ni tetibe sbut "mama papa"..then si ayah ckp "mama dh takde ade papa je"..then si anak ckp beulang kali mama dah mati.. pastu ckp "mama amik besi katok kepala papa kan.."then si papa terus ckp "diam lahh"..and mengalihkan perbualan dgn meng"on"kn tv kt fon..bukak sinetron aliya.. ok satu bus leh dengar tu.. i donno wuts wrong but i feel like his children shoudnt utter that words..seems harsh..i donno or maybe the father taught his kids to hate their mother...maybe..and for just a small kids to say that words..its not worth it..klu laa aku ada anak cmtu mcm nk tampar mulot..hoho..

kecewa

aku tak phm laa dgn kerenah manusia ni. kita tak terlepas dr wt silap kan? we are not perfect. i am not perfect. mmg aku buat salah. mmg salah aku kerana xdpt menahan kemarahan aku dan cakap lepas. tp knp perlu hukum aku cmni? aku dah mintak maaf dah. i am really really sorry. but still aku dilayan sebegini. and dilihat sbg loser and desperate sgt oleh dia. can time heals everythings?

what goes around comes around

ini bukan nk cite pasal hukum karma or org buat kita ke apa.haha. tp pasal barang. i always live my life thinking that for every stuff/things that i lost, i believe it will came to me eventually. and yes, it did happen. long time ago, ive lost my pendrive and i have no worries abt it though it has a sentiment value to me. then it return to me again. see? and happen so many times already for another things. this time i lost my matrix card. i admit i have a bit worries, to remake it, i need money yo. but alhamdulillah i found it.

and and i hope the pelangi yg hilang pun akan muncul kembali dlm hidupku. hihi ^^

selasa oh selasa

setiap hr selasa je, mesti ada something yg berlaku
at first, im looking forward to go through tuesday's life, but then makin hari ke hari i realize that tuesday makes my whole weekdays sucks

and i hope esok is a better tuesday
PLIS TUESDAY! jgn bg aku a hard day like before2 ni.

hikmah

today ive learned that ada hikmah disebalik setiap apa yg terjadi
yes i noe oredi, but today mengukuhkan lg pd aku yg stiap yg berlaku ada hikmahnya

LIFE IS FAIR~

Fallen

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

awake

u know wut i wanna do now? im gonna pull myself together and im gonna be the first.im better than them. and dis is the first time i ll be SERIOUS! lets see.

walk again

starting all over again, having the chance to fight your fears, believing in yourself, and being willing to change every complicated or not situation you are into, in order to make things better & love yourself and your faults... it's about waiting for the right time to leave everything behind, and restart, as many times as needed, your life , as well as revising your plans... 

kejo gilo

salam, last wednesday, aku takkan lupakan, that moments and will stay as sweet and unforgettable memories for me. hari tu ada event PM dtg U aku. utk perasmian YSS menda tah and amanat PM. aku habis kelas math pukul 6, then terus amik bus balik ke kolej dgn kwn aku ni. kolej aku bersebelahan dgn kolej kwn aku. sampai-sampai je ada pembahagian makanan, tp T-shirt utk program tu dah habis. sbb aku lambat.. wuuuu. then kwn aku ni call tanya aku kt mana. kolej dia, yg tak berpagar tu, dah ditutup semua grill so that takde yg masuk, dorg nak make sure sume pegi event tu, so dia pun tumpang duk bilik aku jap. then kami bercadang nak pegi gak event tu as ada kupon utk kemasukan kolej next sem, tp cam penat je. so, lepak-lepak dulu, makan then sembahyang. then kami decide utk tak pergi event tu. penat sgt kot. dgn kelas one whole day. *sigh

then, aku pun pergi bathroom mandi, tetibe waktu dah habis shower, blackout! so i make my way out of the bathroom yg gelap tu dgn cepat. terdengar ada org dlm toilet g. perghhh tak tahan sgt la tu. sanggup. cis! dorg dah putuskan bekalan letrik! so, kami pun lepas bersiap, nak kuar laa. ingat nak pergi makan-makan and lepak tempat lain. my rumet sorg pun ada gak. turun bawah tgok sume pintu grill dah berkunci, theres no way out! takkan kami nak berkurung dlm ni cam prisoner? nak tunggu for another few hours? no way! dgn panas gile. then we try to find another way. cari punya cari, and romate aku manage utk kluar tp guna cara bahaya. tak sanggup aku. gile ah rumate aku ni. so kami cari jalan lain.

lastly both of us manage to keluar! hehe. tp gile ah, keluar dari koridor tingkat satu. panjat dari besi kt hujung koridor tu, ke zink then ke bumbung pejalan kaki and lompat ke bawah. (see the pictures la nanti). tapi aku proud dgn keberanian aku. yg kwn aku sorg ni cuak gila. take time gak ar nk lepas besi kt hujung koridor tu. haha. lastly berjaya. wuhuuu!  terasa best giler because first time kot wat kerja camnih. senakal camnih. HAHA

k till then.

Filem Songlap

Assalamualaikum.

semalam aku tengok cite Songlap kat TS
seriously seriously uoll kena tengok
malas nak ulas panjang-panjang
tapi mmg kena tengok
banyak current social problem dipaparkan
and banyak lesson yg boleh dapat dlm filem ni

 ni sinopsis die
(malas nk letak trailer die sbb takot wat berat blog, eh ye eh?)

 

sinopsis:

Berlatarkan bandar metropolitan Kuala Lumpur, SONGLAP mengikuti kisah dua adik-beradik – AM (Shaheizy Sam) dan AD (Mohd. Syafie Naswip) yang melibatkan diri dalam sindiket penjualan bayi yang diuruskan oleh seorang wanita bergelar MAMA.
Kehidupan dua adik-beradik ini jauh berbeza; AM mengambil kesempatan dengan menggunakan business MAMA sebagai jalan pintas mendapatkan wang untuk kegiatan judinya, sementara AD mengimpikan kehidupan yang lebih baik dengan menyertai pertandingan tarian B-Boy.
AD mula menyedari impiannya mungkin tidak tercapai setelah kehilangan kawan karibnya RAZAK kepada kancah dadah dan melihat dengan matanya sendiri nasib gadis-gadis muda yang dijual kepada sindiket pemerdagangan manusia.
Apabila adik RAZAK, HAWA (Sarah Ali), yang sedang hamil terjebak dengan sindiket ini, AD tidak boleh menutup mata kepada situasi ini lagi dan terpaksa berlumba dengan masa untuk menyelamatkan HAWA tanpa menyedari bapa Hawa, PAK DIN juga sedang mencari anaknya yang telah hilang. Akan tetapi, niat baik AD untuk menolong HAWA telah menggoyahkan hubungannya dengan AM, dan pergelutan mereka akhirnya mencecah tebing maut.
Berdepan dengan godaan dan pengkhianatan, dan dihambat samseng ganas di jalanraya, siapakah yang akan menang dalam pertaruhan nyawa antara dua saudara ini?

aku bg rating movie ni 4/5. bole dikatakan first malay movie dpt rating tinggi drpd aku. hahah. tak rugi pon tengok.
k laa nk siapkan keje ni.  daaaaaaaaa

The One That Got Away

assalamualaikum.

its been a year i havent meet him

someone whom left me 2 years ago

ini bukan kisah putus cinta

tp ditinggalkan, sbb that person gone away to further his studies somewhere else

mmg perit. sumpah. sampai sekarang pun bila ingat balik, sakit still tak hilang

sedih tu tak hilang, tah sampai bila laa

got a chance to spent time with him last year make me the most happiest person on earth

sekarang aku dah stop contact dia aku taknak kenangan lama come arouse again

never! 

apa-apapun, kami memang takbleh bersama atas sebab-sebab tertentu

in easy word, fate mmg tak benarkan kami bersama

k tu je nak cakap!

daaaa

p/s:ada cara tak nak lupakan someone whom we like da most but had gone away farrrrrrrrrrr???

Fix Me Please~~~

anybody??

"Fix You"

 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you